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I have stopped writing in my journals and blog site. I feel like this is a side effect of my medication. I don’t feel the need to document my daily thoughts and feelings. I was used to having negative feelings and now my moods are normal. It is difficult to tap into some of my emotions now because I cannot feel them. I rarely feel sad now after being depressed for over ten years. I wish I could feel those feelings again so I can find something to write about.

Even though the intense feelings of my depression are under control I still feel as if I’m not happy. I believe this is because I am not doing work that is fulfilling to me. I make eyeglasses and everyday I come home tired just to eat, rest, and repeat. In this time of Covid-19 I am grateful to be working but it takes something out of me. I am tired of being tired everyday.

I graduated from college three and a half years ago and have not done anything related to my area of interest. I studied film and have created anything since 2017. I’ve been working on graphic design work every now and then because I enjoy it, but I feel as though it’s not enough to land a position with a company. I have thought of becoming a freelancer but I am afraid due to being introverted and struggle reaching out to strangers.

Maybe I’ll start writing again because I do enjoy it.